One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I still have a little drunk in my system
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
