Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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