i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
