i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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