Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
