I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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