oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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