1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
