So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
