I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your cock deserves a montage
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
