So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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