I think my vagina is haunted
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
