you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
