i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
