U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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