This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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