You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Welp...herpes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
