Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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