Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
