Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
