And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
