Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
