Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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