There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
