just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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