I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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