xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
