Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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