hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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