remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
