I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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