They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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