i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
