did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize