Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This house was built for laser tag.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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