I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hippo gnu deer
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
