I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
