yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
