i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
