I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
