My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
