Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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