the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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