the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
