I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
