we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
