I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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