I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
