You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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