you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
