i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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