oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
