Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize