Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
