I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
