Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
