allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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