you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is it because I queefed?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
