OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize