talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
