All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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