No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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