Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
