woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
