Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's just like the Real World with babies
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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