i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
