Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
