I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she pinky promised me she was 18
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
