i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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