And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
